The Power of Reflection

As a social worker and educator, I have found reflection to be one of the most important tools for professional learning and growth. As important as this skill is, it can be hard to find the time needed to build it. Recently, I had the privilege of attending the New York State School Social Work Association annual conference. I have been spending a lot of time teaching and presenting, and while I did present at the conference, I also had the opportunity to be an attendee myself and learn from some amazing professionals.

Over the years, I have put considerable energy into building my “reflective muscle,” so that now during professional development sessions, I listen and take notes through a reflective lens. If you’re wondering how I do this, read on for a few simple approaches.

Tip 1: A Strategy I Want to Try

Make note of any practical, actionable strategies throughout the session. Consider, what would that look like in my context? When can I try it? Set a reminder to try one strategy within the next week or share what you learned with a colleague and discuss how and when you will implement it. After trying the strategy, consider: How did it go? Was it successful? What might I change if I were to try that strategy again?

Tip 2: A Quote That Resonated

I love a good quote. One semester I created a document for my graduating students entitled, “There’s a Quote for That…A Zinn Collection.” Reflecting on quotes can reinforce key ideas and help us integrate new learning. During a workshop, write down any quotes that resonate with you. After, reflect on what these quotes mean to you in the scope of your practice. How does the quote help you think about a particular issue?

Tip 3: I’m Still Thinking About…

A day or so after a presentation, take stock of what’s sticking with you. Was a resource shared? Take a few minutes to check it out. Often, I’ll open a new tab on my phone or computer during a workshop and search for a resource. Instead of letting it pull my attention away from the presentation, I’ll leave the tab open to revisit at another time.

Tip 4: What, So What, Now What? (Borton, 1970)

Years ago I was at the Creating Trauma Sensitive Schools conference and a presenter shared the What? So What? Now What? framework for reflective thinking. I have been using it ever since. I find this framework so helpful because it focuses on what you are learning, what it means in your context, and what you can do with this knowledge.

Tip 5: Make Time

Time is really the key to all of these strategies - in order to truly incorporate what you have learned into your regular practices, you need to spend time in reflection. Of course, time is the one thing we never have enough of, but consider where in your day and week you can carve out small pockets of reflection - even 5 or 10 minutes, practiced a few times a week, will make a huge difference.

So many times we attend a workshop and leave feeling inspired and energized, only to file away the slide deck and never revisit it. Reflection is the key to translating the energy from a workshop into action. If this resonates and you’d like to keep the conversation going, follow me on Instagram and LinkedIn, or send me a message - I’d love to connect!

4 Steps for Building Frustration Tolerance

Frustration tolerance—or the lack of it—is a topic that comes up constantly in my work with schools. What is it? Why does it seem harder for kids today? And most importantly: how can we help students build this skill?

What is frustration tolerance?
Exactly what it sounds like: the ability to tolerate frustration. In schools today, I frequently hear that many students are lacking this critical skill. A child tries to tie their shoe once, fails, and hurls it across the room. A student gets stuck on a math problem, crumples their paper, and yells, “I can’t do it!” These are signs of low frustration tolerance.

Why are kids struggling with this now?
Partly because they’re growing up in a world of convenience. As a social worker, I often think about how much the times we live in shape us. Kids today are raised in an on-demand culture, but often by adults who grew up with more waiting, fewer options, and fewer distractions.

Think back to how entertainment was different. Remember Saturday morning cartoons? A few hours a week of content that was made for kids. And if your favorite show ended on a cliffhanger, you had to wait a week to see what happened next. During that wait, your need to know dulled and might built again if you saw a commercial or had some reminder, but the gap between wanting and getting built tolerance for frustration. Today’s kids can binge entire seasons instantly and have 24/7 access to endless content. This is just one example of how modern convenience has crowded out opportunities for kids to practice patience and persistence.

So how do we help kids build frustration tolerance?
We can be intentional. Here are four simple steps to practice in everyday interactions:

1. Set the expectation: Frustration is part of life. It’s normal and it will show up sometimes.

2. Practice compassion: When a student is struggling, use validating language: “You didn’t want that to happen.” or “This feels tough, I understand.”

3. Share belief in capacity: Remember the power of YET: “You don’t know how to tie your shoes yet, but I know you’ll get it if you keep trying.”

4. Move on: Validating feelings doesn’t mean we spend all day sitting in them. Try: “I’m going to check in with another student. Keep trying—I believe in you!”

Most new things are hard before they’re easy. By naming the struggle, meeting it with compassion, expressing belief in kids’ abilities, and then stepping back, we model frustration tolerance in action.

Want to learn more? I’ll be doing a deep dive into strategies for building frustration tolerance in my upcoming workshop: From Anxious to Adaptable: Strengthening Frustration Tolerance Through Connection. Visit my Events Page to sign up or reach out on my Contact Page to schedule a free consultation call for your district.

More is caught than taught

In my doctoral program, my cohort had the opportunity to learn from the author of my graduate school social work practice textbook - Dr. Lawrence Shulman. It was an amazing experience, and so much of what he taught that weekend has  informed my practice as a social work and professional development educator. In class he shared that “more is caught than taught,” and this phrase has stayed with me. I took it to mean that how we behave on a regular basis is more important and influential for our students than the words we speak or the lessons we try to impart. I shared this in a professional development session with a wonderful group of teachers last week, and it resonated. How we are with others gives them a blueprint for how they should be with us—as educators, when we approach students in a calm, emotionally regulated, respectful, and compassionate way our students feel cared for, safe, and respected.

One way to operationalize this idea in school settings is through the use of daily SEL practices. The workshop I referenced earlier, titled Small Things Often: Sustainable SEL Practices, focused on several activities that can be utilized on a regular basis and are easy to bake into the structure of any lesson. We covered strategies that build relationships and belonging, emotional regulation and frustration tolerance. After the workshop, a teacher came over to share how the frustration tolerance strategies are exciting to her as a math teacher, as she has observed her students being quick to give up when faced with challenging problems.

I structure my professional development sessions with SEL to model how these practices can be integrated and my favorite tool for this is CASEL’s 3 Signature Practices Playbook. This free resource provides several activities that can be utilized to begin each class with an inclusive welcome, incorporate engaging strategies throughout the lesson, and an optimistic closure. I use the playbook activities throughout my professional development sessions and share what I am doing, often providing time for educators to reflect on the activities and consider if/how they could utilize them in their classrooms.

The beauty of SEL practices is that they don’t require huge shifts—just small, intentional moments that over time build strong relationships and classrooms where students are able to take risks and build skills. What do you want your students to “catch” from you this year?

Professional Learning Network Sessions: Social Emotional Learning/Mental Health

Do you lead or support SEL and Mental Health initiatives in your school district? If so, and if you find this work challenging, you’re not alone. I often think that if something feels hard, that’s probably because it is hard—and a supportive network along with resources can make our challenging tasks a little easier.

As the 2024-2025 school year gets underway, I’m looking forward to another great year with the Social Emotional Learning Professional Learning Network group! This group meets for a 3-session series, during which NYSED SEL updates and resources are shared, and participants have the opportunity to connect and network with one another. The series (geared towards school social workers, psychologists, counselors, administrators, and teachers) will feature lively discussions in a supportive environment, as well as meaningful activities and actionable strategies that can be utilized in your schools to support and grow your Social Emotional Learning initiatives and support student mental health and school-community wellbeing.

Dates: 10-30-24; 1-7-25*; 4-2-25

Time: 8:30am-11:30am

Place: Eastern Suffolk BOCES Instructional Support Center @ Sequoya (* January meeting will be virtual via Zoom)

Cost for Subscribers: $199/series; Cost for Non-Subscribers: $249/series

Register today at: http://webreg.esboces.org